Let me start off by saying that I think my "blog name" is completely inadequate for this outlet, and if someone knows how to change it to something with a little more pizzazz, let me know.

Alright, so I know the whole complaining about airports is probably very passe in the blog world, but this is the first mention of it on "non-sense," so I'm feeling pioneering. On Monday, I ventured to Lambert Airport to head out to Dallas to go do some recruiting. My flight left at 8:55. I left the apartment at 8:00. You know I was never good with punctuality. I had checked in online, so all I needed to do was check my bag and get through security. But after I had gotten rid of my bag, I swiveled around only to see a line that zig-zagged through all of the roped-off lanes and past the ticket counters...it was the most ridiculous line I have ever seen at an airport.

I was close enough to shout out my time concern to woman behind the counter. She told me the line was moving quickly, but, for some reason, I thought she was just trying to appease me. The line was moving, not quickly, but it was moving. By the time I got past the ticket signer and into a security lane, it was about 8:40. I took a breath and tried positively talking to myself (all in my head, of course) about how much can happen in 15 minutes. A quarter of Grey's Anatomy happens in 15 minutes. My students can finish an assignment in 15 minutes. We know what else can happen in 15 minutes (maybe less), but let's be prudent.

I move up to put my stuff in a bin and wouldn't you know...NO BINS. In a frustrated huff, I just started tearing off my two coats, suit jacket, and heels; and I even unpacked my laptop. No sooner had I done this than a security guard yells over that I need to put all of my belongings in a bin. I turned to look at him and gave him a nice combination of a 'no shit'/teacher stare before telling him that "there are NO bins for me to put my belongings IN." The man yelled to one of his cronies that they needed more bins in lane 1. A little man walked over, as if he had something better to do than replenish the bins in lane 1, and hands me a single bin. ONE BIN. Now, anyone who has travelled in the last 5 years would know that one bin is just not gonna cut it. I mean, the dipshit in front of me took THREE bins. THREE! That's the minimum if you're carrying a carry-on, jacket, and laptop. I scoffed at the pure absurdity of this single bin, and glanced down at my watch. 8:48. Damn it. No time. So I just piled everything on top of my laptop and moved it down the lane.

"Ma'am, you cannot have all of your belongin'gs in one bin."
"I know this, but you only gave me ONE BIN."
"Listen lady, I'm just trying to do my job" [hands me another bin]
"I'm just trying to do my job too, and I can't do that job if I miss this flight that leaves in 5 minutes!" [stuffs belongings into second bin]

I hurriedly walked through the metal detector, beep free, and anxiously awaited my bins. Wouldn't you know it...that wench behind the scanner yelled for a bag check. You have GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. I looked at my watch. 8:52. Sweet Jesus.

The rubber-gloved woman before me was delicately moving aside the personal effects of my purse, only to pull out a very small bottle of Germ-X. The same Germ-X, ironically, that Southwest was giving out at Christmas. Even after she found this stowaway liquid, she continued to search my bag. Never in my life have I ever spoken to a stranger this way, but this was too much. I yelled at her to take the "fucking Germ-X and let me get to my flight!!" Shocked, she handed me my purse. I snatched it out of her grubby paw, and took off down the corridor in my 3 inch heels.

I did make it (so I guess the ticket counter lady wasn't totally wrong), but I made it at 8:54. Seriously. Thank God for Southwest being so lax with its boarding policy. Ok, moral of this story, get to the airport on time. If that's not an option, for goodness sake, get yourself three bins.