I've logged onto Match.com (insert Gasp!). Admittedly, I've perused the site on occasion. Okay, so by on occasion I mean during the wee hours of Saturday night when the thought of competing with 25-year-old Dallasites, who claim to be a size 0 but really are a size 4, for Cash McMogulson's undivided attention literally brings the taste of vomit to my mouth.
Back to my Saturday night "perusing." Username created, password verified, popcorn popped, and there I am sitting on my couch listening to a nineties mix c-d "browsing" Match.com. All I need is a bottle of red, a box of chocolates, a pint of Ben & Jerry's and I've transformed into the requisite spinster. ( I wonder if the cops will find my body surrounded by candy wrappers and an empty tray of Oreo cookies mmm...that sounds good. No more chocolate day dreams, back to my Saturday night.) So I'm half-heartedly half-inquisitively browsing the site, when an hour goes by, and I realize my knuckles are white from gripping the keyboard with interest. Drats, I've reached the bottom of the pint again. I should probably change my physical build on the site to "curvy" rather than "athletic". I must have been delusional/drunk when I answered that question on my profile. Note to self, I'll have to starve myself again this week or just revert to my oatmeal diet again ( I swear it works). So there, that's my first encounter with online dating. Anyone else want to admit to curiously checking the site or am I the only loser :) (Someone say they have, someone say they have. Just lie to me!)
Don't even think about asking what my username is. Who is Match.com to decide what constitutes a 100% match for you anyway. Isn't that what our mothers are for.
Love,
Funny-Girl-23
(not my username)
